Foundation, concealer, powder. The basic face -- try not to fuck it up.

Foundation. Base. Whatever you call it, it gives your skin a fresh look, and gives you a clean canvas for your makeup to sit on.

And every fucking day, y'all fuck it up.

Let us start with the basics:

Concealer: That's right, it's concealing stuff -- scars, redness, acne, bruises, that hickey where you stupidly allowed some ass to mark you -- when used correctly, concealer can hide lots of things.

Foundation: That goes on top of concealer, to blend everything in, and to make your skin look completely blemish free, no matter what your blemish is.

Powder: Goes on top of foundation. Powder is to be worn daily, no matter your foundation's finish. Powder will set your makeup, so your collar doesn't look like you've not bathed in months. It blends things, like blush gone wrong. Powder will finish any makeup look, natural to you-look-like-a-whore.

Concealer Brush: obviously for concealer. we've talked about this before.
Foundation Brush or sponge: yes, for the foundation
Powder Brush (or hell, even a sponge): for, you guessed it, powder.


And imagine that, everything is in the order in which you should use it.

First things first, let's discuss concealer. Concealer is to be used on the hot-spots only. Otherwise you will look fake, and completely over-made up.

Concealer comes in many colors. Confused on which one to buy? Thought so.

Green: This color is for people with a REDNESS-ONLY issue, typically those with rosacea (Think you have it? Ask a dermotologist.) Use this in the reddest areas -- generally on the apples of the cheeks, and on the tip of the nose. Once you calm those areas down, the rest will look normal. You typically want to use about half a pea-sized amount on those areas. Don't worry if you don't get it all; it will be covered by foundation.

Yellow: This is for very fresh, mostly purple bruising. Yellow by itself does not blend well, so mix this with your skin-tone concealer. This is to go only on the center of the purple-ness, blended into the skin-tone concealer. Again -- yellow in the center, skin-tone on the edge. blend them in the middle. This will help cover bruising from cataracts surgery (cause it will give you a serious black eye), hickeys, sports injuries, etc.

Lavender and Rose: This is for yellowed or sallowed skin. You can also blend those nasty green-yellow bruises with this, as it will tone down that ugliness.

Skin Tone: Use this under your eyes, on scars and blemishes, and to blend as needed.


Foundation is next -- It can be in a liquid or a cream, water or oil based - I'll go into more detail next time on the types, but let's talk about how much to apply, and where to put it.

Foundation should be applied from the center out. Let's dumb that down: Start at your nose, cheeks, and the center of your forehead. Use your foundation brush. Ok, picture time.

This is a foundation brush. Notice that the bristles are two-toned. That is both aesthetic, as well as useful for you to not fuck up your face.

See how you can't see that the bristles are different colors? That's cause you're using too much product.

Notice how you can see through the product to the bristle? That's how you know you're not about to fuck up your face.

That's all you need to have on the brush. You can always go back for more, but it's harder to take product off your face once it's there. Also, by starting at the center of your face, you don't have to worry about that dreaded line that people get around their jaw.

See the line near her ear? Yeah, so do I. Not sexy. 

Finally, you want to set with powder. Preferably, use a color close to your makeup, as it can be used for easy touch-ups during the day. Drier skins should use their powder brush to dust powder on to set their makeup. Oilier skins should use a sponge or puff to press (DO NOT RUB YOUR POWDER, as rubbing will remove any foundation and all that corrective concealer that you just put there!) powder onto the face. Powder will collect any excess oil and will keep your face shine-free.

Yeah, they're from the same night. Get over it. Nicole, you have on too much powder. It's fucking EVERYWHERE. Your nose, under your eyes, your cheeks. Next time, grab a clean brush and blend that shit down! You look ridiculous!

I'll leave you with the following comparison.

Now I love Xtina. Everyone who knows me, knows that to be a fair statement. However, whoever is doing her makeup should be shot. The makeup to the left is very good (and yes, it is a tad heavy, but when one is doing stage makeup (ie, anything that needs to hold up to a shit-ton of lights), it tends to be heavier. But the image to the right? What the fuck, Xtina? You have gone from grown-sexy-girl-next-door to Jersey Whore. I can't even see your skin under that pile of product. 

Ladies, please. Do not walk around looking like a Jersey Whore.